8 Things I’d Tell My Younger Therapist Self
I saw another therapist answer this question the other day. Her response was that she wouldn’t tell herself anything; she’d let herself be surprised. For those of us that are too anxious for surprises, I thought it would be fun to reflect on this question myself. Perhaps your younger therapist self needed to hear some of these too - or maybe even your current self. So here we go.
It’s okay to make mistakes (and you can’t avoid it).
In the beginning, my high-achieving perfectionist self wanted to do it all right. I wanted to do the most, be the best, and always know what to do. Instead, I was greeted with the constant feeling of being in over my head, not knowing what I was doing, and all the other uncomfy feelings I’d been trying to avoid. It took me a long time to realize that this wasn’t a sign I was doing something wrong, but rather a necessary and helpful part of the growth process. It sucked, but it made me better. You can’t start where you want to end up.
You don’t need a PhD.
Due to income concerns and being surrounded by people in academia, I spent the end of my college years convinced that I was headed toward a doctoral program. But the seven schools I applied to thought otherwise, so I ended up in a Masters program that was a much better fit. By the time the rejections came around I knew it wasn’t for me anyway, so it wasn’t too upsetting. I just wish I realized that I didn’t need to do all that just to do clinical work. A Masters was the perfect level of education for me. (I may write a whole other post about how to decide between the two later.)
Listen to your gut.
My clinical intuition was around long before I started believing it. I knew which clients were good for me and which ones weren’t. I knew what to say in sessions, and when to make a mandated report. My gut warned me about my work hours, how many clients to see in a row, when to go into private practice, etc. But I ignored it due to fear, self-doubt, and external messages telling me otherwise. I wish I’d tuned out the noise and listened to myself.
It’s okay to be different.
For various reasons, my brain has different needs than the brains of others. This shows up in my schedule, my caseload, and the types of clients I see. I thought for awhile that this was just a personality flaw, and others suggesting that it was “me” didn’t help. But really, it was just my unique wiring. It wasn’t something I had to overcome, but rather something I needed to adapt my life to. Once I did so, I became much happier.
Prioritizing your needs is essential, not optional.
I wish I’d realized earlier that self-care isn’t something you do “if” you have the time after everything else. It’s actually an essential, regular practice required to function and feel okay. And it’s not just taking a bath - it’s how you lay out your schedule, what you say yes to, where you set limits, etc. After taking care of everyone else, I figured out way too late that my needs mattered too.
Insurance is not worth your tears.
This one has two meanings. One, that insurance issues WILL happen, and you don’t need to lose your mind over them. I get that it’s stressful when it’s a new issue every day, but you don’t need to give yourself a migraine from anger. (Side note to my past self: HIRE A BILLING PERSON RIGHT AWAY. Do NOT try to do it on your own!) Two, it’s okay to not take insurance. You tried. It wasn’t for you. It’s not unethical to make changes to your business so that you don’t hate your life.
You CAN (and WILL) do private practice. It won’t be perfect, but it’s the right fit for you.
I swore up and down that I would NEVER do private practice - I COULD never. I wasn’t smart enough, didn’t know business, wasn’t good at math, whatever. I don’t even know how many times I publicly declared this. And yet… here we are. I think the timing ultimately worked out okay, but I was in denial for so long that I definitely wasted time (and sold myself short).
You are capable of way more than you think you are.
This is the biggest one. If I could, I’d absolutely go back in time and say, girl… you won’t believe what you can do. What you WILL do. The types of clients you’ll see, the degree to which you’ll help them, the connections you’ll form with them, the friendships you’ll form with coworkers, the business savvy you possess, your resilience and intelligence and strength… You may not be the most patient or self-confident, but you are WAY more capable than you give yourself credit for. Even if you don’t believe it, do yourself a favor and at least act like it. Your mind will catch up eventually.
These may not all resonate with everyone, but I’m willing to bet that at least one of these gave you a little stomach flip. And while you may logically know these things, sometimes we need to be told by an external source for our brains to take it seriously. Wherever you are in your therapist journey, I hope you can hold onto some of these reminders.