7 Lessons From 7 Years of Being A Therapist
& all the unexpected ways this work has helped me grow
If you’ve been through it, you know that becoming and being a therapist is often a transformative process. Some of the changes have been expected, while others were a pleasant surprise. As I enter my seventh year in the field, I’ve been reflecting on how this work has shaped me not just as a clinician, but as a person. Here’s what I’ve noticed:
1. I have VERY little space in my life for drama/BS.
Being a therapist has really helped to solidify my boundaries. When I started grad school, I admittedly put up with a lot of things I shouldn’t have - both from others in my life, and myself. But it didn’t take long for my tolerance for drama to take a huge dip. There is so much awful stuff going on in the world and in life, which shows up daily in our work. That is plenty on its own, so I simply do not have room for anyone’s extra crap. I no longer feel responsible for taking care of/helping everyone, nor do I allow others to make me responsible for their chaos.
2. I am more selective about the people I allow into my life and how I allow them to treat me.
To the above point, I have far higher standards for my relationships since becoming a therapist. This is partly due to a) my demanding job reducing my bandwidth for nonsense, and b) the work I do as a therapist helping me to examine my own wounds and patterns in relationships. Not that therapists are perfect or immune to unhealthy relationships, but this job has a way of encouraging us to practice what we preach. I’ve also done a lot of work on unhealthy caretaking behaviors from the past. I’m happy to be a supportive person within reason, but your stuff is ultimately yours to figure out.
3. I’m more social justice-minded and aware of important societal issues/dynamics.
There are certain issues that are hard to take my mind off of because of how they directly impact me. And now, after working with so many different kinds of people, this job has ignited a passion for other social justice issues that weren’t previously on my radar. Even if it doesn’t affect me, these things affect my trans clients, my clients of color, my disabled clients. Although I’m not perfect by any means, being a therapist has helped me to be more mindful of my privilege and expand my awareness of the world around me.
4. I can better understand the behavior of others, even if it often confuses other people.
Because of the knowledge we gain in this field, we’re often able to understand things that perplex others. Why this person acts like this, why that person in the media did that, why certain patterns keep happening with a loved one, etc. I don’t use my empathy/understanding to make excuses for people (like I have in the past), but it does help me to conceptualize what is going on around me. This helps for knowing how to respond, as well as removing some of the excessive blame I used to put on myself for certain situations. It allows me to be more nonjudgmental and more objective, and to not take things as personally.
5. I have a deeper understanding of my own trauma/mental health.
Although we can’t heal our wounds simply by becoming a therapist, the process definitely helps us to better understand our own issues, where they come from, and how to deal with them. I’ve been able to learn so much about the nuances of anxiety, how attachment and family dynamics impact relationships, and the way trauma shows up in various aspects of life. The awareness has helped to take a lot of the shame out of it, and understanding the ‘why’ behind things has helped me to make long-needed changes.
6. I’m more in tune with myself/my needs, and I honor my limits.
It took me a long time, but I’ve accepted that I simply don’t have the same emotional/social battery as others. My brain will not allow me to see large numbers of clients back to back per day, or in a week. And that is okay. After much trial and error (and thinking there was something wrong with me), I’ve created a schedule that fits with my brain. If I need a break, I take it. If I’m sick, I take care of myself. Rather than trying to fit my brain into the neurotypical standards set before me, I accept my limits and work WITH them, not against them.
7. I am capable of more than I ever thought I was.
As I’ve mentioned, I was always very vocal about how I would NEVER (and could never) do solo private practice. I’m now coming up on the third anniversary of having my own business, on the heels of my most profitable year so far. Did I make mistakes? Absolutely. But to my surprise, I was resilient and resourceful enough to find solutions and fix things. I’m more aware and on top of my finances than I ever thought I could be. I still hate math and I’m bad at it, yet I’ve found ways to succeed nonetheless. I’ve worked with awesome clients that I never could’ve dreamed up, and I’ve helped them in ways that have been both humbling and rewarding. I asked for help when I needed it, but I was also able to do a lot on my own. I remember my frightened little intern self so well - I was SURE I’d always need a boss telling me what to do, a supervisor holding my hand through every client interaction, and someone to handle all the business stuff for me. But I’ve proven that insecure little voice in my head wrong, time and time again. And that’s pretty cool.
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Whether you’re a grad student/intern yourself, a new therapist, or a seasoned professional, I hope you find these lessons relatable and that they give you hope. If you find it useful, I encourage you to reflect: How has being a therapist changed you and your life so far?
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