When Work Isn't Everything
Once again, it’s been awhile! I kept trying to write something about exploring one’s identity outside of being a therapist. But every time I tried, I couldn’t find the words. I didn’t want people read into it and think I secretly hate my job. Or for people to assume that if you need more than work in life, then maybe you chose the wrong field. Eventually I accepted that I can’t control others’ perceptions. But what I can do is challenge the beliefs we have about our careers, our identities, and work itself. That’s what I’m going for anyway.
When I was a brand new therapist, I was full of ambition. I had no delusions that I was going to ‘save’ or ‘fix’ anyone, but I was ready to devote my life to helping people. It wasn’t about the money, I told myself. My art supplies collected dust in a closet somewhere, and my body started to ache from lack of exercise, but I told myself it was for a good cause. I had a purpose to fulfill - there was no time for anything else. It felt like my life was no longer about me. At first, I honestly thought that was a good thing.
It didn’t take long, of course, for me to realize that work isn’t everything. I found myself wanting to be creative - because I AM creative. I wanted to take good care of my body, rather than just doing the bare minimum (or less). No matter how many people I helped, it wasn’t enough. Because work alone isn’t enough. Not even if you do something really useful. Not even if you like what you do. Try as you might, you are a person with needs, wants, families, friends, hobbies, interests, and human qualities that need tending to. We spend so much time at work, and before that we spend all our time on our education to get there. It’s hard not to feel like it’s who we are. But it’s not. It’s merely what we do.
So, how do we separate these things? How do we figure out who we are outside of what we do, and what do we do with that information? To start, you have to ask yourself some tough questions. For therapists, that may sound like:
Who was I before I took this path?
Who am I when I’m not helping everyone?
Who am I when I’m not thinking about writing notes, or insurance, or staying on top of the latest trends in interventions?
Who am I when I’m around people who aren’t also therapists?
Who do I want to be, besides what I already am?
Maybe you’re an artist. Or a writer. Maybe you want to create a side hustle, or even a whole business, that has nothing to do with therapy. Maybe you collect antique teapots, or play video games competitively. Maybe you have a dream of flipping a house, or a lifelong goal of learning to play piano. Maybe you want to see the world, or put down roots somewhere you love. Maybe you want to be more active, or you just love doing nothing/talking to no one sometimes.
Whatever it is, I encourage you to explore who you are outside of your job. Not just outside of work, but outside of your identity as a helper. Thinking this way isn’t selfish, it’s human. You are not a machine - you have value outside of how you can be of service to others. Believe that. Honor it.
There are all kinds of beliefs about what we are put on Earth to do. Some folks are perfectly content with devoting their time here to serve others, or a higher power. Others find that they need two or three things to fulfill them in different ways. Others still feel that there is no ‘purpose’, that we all make our own fate through our choices. As for me? I’m just happy to be here. I’m going to try to do something useful while I’m around, but I also plan on having a good time. And I’m starting to figure out what that looks like. I hope you can too.