Every profession has its “things I hear all the time” category. They range from curious questions, to repetitive jokes, to straight up rude remarks and assumptions. Each time I reveal that I’m a therapist, I silently brace myself for one of these to happen. Occasionally there’s a wild card, or the person has no reaction at all, but more often than not I get one of these:
“Woah, are you analyzing me right now?!” (or “Can you diagnose me?”)
I think this happens to many professions… people assume that your job is your whole personality, and that it never leaves your brain. This even happened to me back when I was just a psych major, before I’d even finished undergrad. Contrary to popular belief though, we’re not sitting around off the clock analyzing everyone we meet. Our job gives us a new lens through which to understand people, for sure. But we’re not spending our free time assessing/diagnosing loved ones or strangers, trust me.
If you hear this one, a simple ‘no’ would suffice. On the other hand, a ‘yes’ would also probably catch them off guard and freak them out a bit.
“Oh cool!” [starts unloading their trauma history/mental health symptoms/family member’s issues onto you]
This is one of the occupational hazards of our job - becoming everyone’s therapist. We often are even before we actually become one, and sometimes we continue this pattern well into our careers. And unfortunately, some folks are so in need of someone to listen that they’ll happily dump on the first person they deem appropriate. But it’s important to not allow people to take advantage of your skills, or unload on you without permission. Being a therapist does not mean being a free emotional dumping ground.
Realistically, you’ll probably throw in some nods and “mm-hmm”s, then gently validate and steer the conversation away from an impromptu therapy session. Hopefully they get the hint. If they don’t, it might be time to set a more explicit boundary - or find an excuse and exit stage left.
“Oh a therapist! Like a physical therapist, or massage therapist..?”
This one happens more than I thought it would, and I’m not sure why. I suppose I forgot that there’s multiple kinds of therapists… but ours is the only one that uses the term ‘therapist’ on its own. Nevertheless, people often guess every other type of therapist except the one I am. This is definitely one of the less annoying ones, but it did catch me off guard at first.
“Can you give me free therapy then?”
People are mostly joking when they say this. They may also jokingly ask if you can prescribe medication. While I have a sense of humor, this kind of joke is… not it. I don’t know why, but it rubs me the wrong way. I usually half-heartedly laugh and tell them I cannot. If you have a more witty or creative response to this one, I’d love to hear it.
“So you just sit and listen to people all day, right?”
I once had someone tell me that I had “a stress-free job”. His reasoning? Because I “just sit in a chair and listen to people all day”. I was honestly floored. Mental health work doesn’t exactly have a reputation for being ‘stress free’… that’s as incorrect as it is offensive. But I do realize that our jobs might look like this on the surface. What people don’t see is the constant attunement, strategic questions, empathetic responses, and general mental gymnastics that this work entails. It requires focus, intention, strategy, patience, social skill, clinical knowledge… we don’t just sit and nod for 8 hours and then go home.
This one is hard to explain to people, and you need to be careful who you try to justify this to. Only go down this road if the person truly seeks to understand. If they’re committed to belittling or misunderstanding your job, don't bother.
“It must be so hard listening to people’s problems all day.”
This is the opposite of the previous one. It seems like most people either think our job is easier than it is, or harder than it is. Although our job entails much more than listening, the general population seems to find this aspect of our job the most difficult. And they’re not wrong - making room for 20+ other people’s stuff on top of your own is no easy feat. But like any skill, it takes practice.
How you respond to this one depends on many things - how you feel about your job, your own baggage and self-care habits, or even what day of the week it is. Some days it’s easier than I expected. Other days it’s just as hard, or even harder. Over time, I’ve realized that it’s not so much about the unique stressors of our job - it’s about having a good system to handle it. This work isn’t for everyone. But I think people would be surprised what they’re capable of with healthy boundaries and self-care (I know I am!).
“That’s awesome! There’s such a need for that right now, it’s so important.”
My favorite reply - it’s kind, simple, and makes sense! It’s a perfectly normal response to someone telling you what their job is, and everyone can move on with their day.
Perhaps someday this one will be the most common one. It’s getting better already. But until then, we might have to find ways to keep ourselves amused (and others on their toes).
Did I forget any? Let me know in the comments!
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100% accurate. This is perfectly hilarious.