It's Okay to Be a Younger Therapist.
Or an older one, for that matter.
As I move through the first year of my thirties, I’ve been reflecting on my experience as a younger therapist. Full transparency: I started my internship at 23, got my Master’s the week I turned 24, and was fully licensed at 26. To be honest, I looked like an intern long past graduation. I’ve always looked younger than I am, and my short height doesn’t help. I don’t get carded as much anymore, but I don’t quite look my age either. And oddly, it’s come up quite a bit in my career so far. So I wanted to share some wisdom for therapists that are younger, or just look younger.
I knew going into this work that being/looking younger could be a challenge. People assume a lot based on appearance. I also noticed that as soon as people find out that your age starts with the word ‘twenty’, they stop listening. Nevertheless, if clients asked my age, I didn’t give them the canned response of “I wonder why it’s important for you to know that?” To each their own, but to me it felt patronizing and inauthentic. So I just told them my age. I wasn’t ashamed, and I was obviously young, so it made more sense to just be honest.
Luckily my age didn’t come up as much as I thought it would. But I did get some comments. People might gloat at how I was a baby when they graduated high school, or defiantly declared that they were old enough to be my parent. Younger people don’t do this, so it was weird to me. (I never understood why this is so acceptable - imagine if it were reversed. What if I started bragging about how young I was when they were in college, or declaring how old they were when I was born? I think it’s unnecessary and rude either way.) I did have a couple of folks say that they were hesitant about my youth at first, until we started talking and they realized they were in good hands. So that was nice.
Others were more brazen though. I’ve had someone ask to be referred out because they felt any life experience I had was anecdotal. Basically implying that I knew nothing about life except what I’d heard from others or read in books. Nevermind my years of education/work experience, or my personal experiences - all that mattered was how long I’d been on earth. And they’d decided that in that time, I’d been through very little and learned nothing. Another person, upon finding out I couldn’t prescribe medication, yelled at me for being “younger than their kids” and stormed out. I genuinely hope they both found what they needed.
There are many reasons why people do this. It could be deflection in order to avoid their own stuff. Or maybe they’re being hindered by their own bias or judgment. Also (and I mean this in the least gross way possible), I think some folks are intimidated when they see someone younger who is educated, successful, or in a perceived position of power. (Hence their need to assert that they’re older than you and/or have children your age, so that they don’t feel insecure or inferior.)
What really surprised me, though, is how little these comments bothered me. I totally understand wanting a therapist at a similar life stage, or someone who’s not older or younger than you can relate to. It’s just unfortunate when this preference is expressed in not the nicest way. But it didn’t shake my confidence nearly as much as I thought. It wasn’t hubris - I doubted myself plenty in other ways. Yet for some reason, someone else questioning my credibility reaffirmed my faith in it. In a way, it was a nice reminder.
Yes, life experience can be a factor. But it’s not the only factor. I knew the education and training I’d done. I knew the successes I’d had with my clients so far. And I knew that these strangers had no idea what “life experience” I’d already had at my age. It was none of their business either. I’m not going to create a trauma resumé to prove that I’m not a dumb, naïve millennial. If someone wants to write me off and decide that I know nothing after 5 minutes of knowing me, they’re free to do so. And they’re welcome to seek out an older or more experienced therapist.
This same issues could probably be applied to older therapists, or therapists switching later in life from another career. I haven’t been an older therapist yet, so I can’t speak on it, but I’m sure similar themes come up. Younger people might underestimate you or stereotype you. People may look at you funny when you say you used to work in a totally different field. Whatever it is, just know that it’s not you - it’s them. If it wasn’t your age or “experience”, this person might find something else to harp on. That’s their issue. Maybe you’re the one to help them with it, maybe not. If not, it isn’t your fault.
So if you’re a younger therapist (or an older one), know that this doesn’t have to be a barrier. It may be for some people, but those aren’t your people. Don’t apologize for your age - own it. Use it as a strength. I’ve seen firsthand the great work that can be done with teens and young adults, when you’re young enough to relate, yet old enough that they take you seriously. I’ve seen my older colleagues bridge the gap in services for clients their age, who are often overlooked or underserved. And we all have some sort of life experience that we bring to the table to help others. Whatever year you were born, there is a place for you in this field. You deserve to be here.
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