Boundaries for Therapists During the Holidays
We spend a great deal of the holiday season talking to our clients about boundaries. How to navigate travel stress, tense dinners, balancing family events with relaxation, or dealing with that one uncle who thinks he’s got the answer to the world’s problems. But behind the scenes, many of us face the same challenges! Not only do we have to navigate our own family dynamics, but we also have to balance this with the needs of our clients, the demands of our jobs, and our own emotional needs.
The holidays can be stressful and hectic, but they don’t have to be. The right mix of boundaries with others and yourself can allow you to have a restful, guilt-free break after a long year. Here are some ideas to start with:
Boundaries With Clients
Inform them well in advance of any time you’ll be taking off (2-4 weeks ahead of time, if possible). Process any concerns about this in session, but stay firm in your boundaries.
Discuss upcoming appointments 2-4 weeks in advance, to work around any holiday plans or things they may have going on. (i.e. confirm appointments close to Thanksgiving/Christmas, to avoid possible late cancellations or no shows.)
You don’t have to do this; it’s on the client to inform you of any scheduling conflicts. However, I find it helpful because it allows me to maximize the use of any available spots on my schedule.
Create a simple but thorough ‘out of office’ automatic reply for your email. Make it clear what dates you’ll be out of the office and that you will be unreachable. Offer crisis resources they can use if needed.
Change your voicemail to let folks know you’ll be away.
If you do need to respond to a client during off times, offer a brief validation of their feelings without engaging in an extended back-and-forth. (i.e. “That sounds really stressful - I’m out of the office currently, but I’m happy to help you with this at our next session on ___.”)
Boundaries With Family/Friends
If you’re being asked to attend five different events but that feels stressful for you, you aren’t obligated to attend all of them. Do not engage with any guilt tripping or adult tantrums from others regarding your decision.
Remove yourself from conflicts, debates, or arguments if they arise. You can use the grey rock method to disengage, or politely shut down inappropriate comments (“I’d rather not discuss that right now” or “I’d rather focus on ___”).
Don’t be afraid to set hard boundaries if needed. "(“If you keep making these comments, I’m leaving the conversation.”) If you need to go home early (and if you can), do so. Quality over quantity applies to many interactions.
Avoid talking about work if it feels stressful. Politely answer your family’s questions about your job, but feel free to keep it brief and change the subject if needed. Our work is interesting, and work is what people tend to ask about, but there’s so much more to life.
Boundaries With Yourself
Only agree to events/things that you have time AND energy for. Check in with yourself before agreeing to come to something or help someone.
Set your business phone line on ‘do not disturb’. Hide your business phone/email apps so you’re not tempted to check them while you’re off.
Unless you are a crisis provider required to do so, or work with populations where you’ve agreed to do this, do not check your voicemails/texts/emails during your break!
Even if you are in one of these situations, find a way to get your version of a true ‘break’ as well. You may need it more than most!
Give yourself permission to do whatever feels relaxing or fun for you. No judgment toward yourself, no pressure to be ‘productive’. Whether it’s going for a long walk in the cold, playing a video game for 3 hours, painting, volunteering, bingeing your favorite show… Do what you need to do!
-
Remember, boundaries are only boundaries if you actually enforce them. Don’t say you won’t do something, then do it anyway because someone got upset. That just teaches them how to manipulate you, which they may try again in the future. If you’re consistent and firm (yet kind), things can hopefully go more smoothly for you in the future. You can’t control whether people will learn or not, but you can control your side of your interactions with them.